So as was apparent in my last couple of posts, God has me on a different leg of my journey this season. I am in a period now of reflection and unfortunately exhaustion. I find myself sweating emotionally and breathing heavy mentally. My candle melting away the wax of spirited joy and finding the wick of strength on its last bit of twine, I write this in internal anguish.
The anguish I suffer from is an interesting kind of dilemma. I have always been a man of extremes. I either find myself exuberant or depressed, Energized and pumped, or wiped and deflated. In this season the extremes that I face are tough to really decipher God’s call. My struggle has me in one hand living a life given over to the church I serve, given over to building the Church globally, and simple community service. On the other, I am called to greater connection with individuals, and more margin in my life to make room for relationship growth within my family and within my community.
I had a great conversation last night with a friend, in which I discovered through my extensive sharing, diarrhea of the mouth, that Iam struggling to let go. I am trying so hard to control so much. I want all the balls that I currently hold within my grasp, to stay in motion. At the same time I need to not be the one juggling them and being responsible for them. Here’s the truth of the matter. I need to simply surrender control. I need to release my responsibility for some things and give God some room to do HIS thing.
I am not sure how that will exactly play out. I know that some things are going to need to change and rapidly.
What God is stirring inside of me is growing and I’m not sure how it will manifest once it is fully grown, but I do know that this is a similar feeling that I’ve had at other crucial junctures of my life: new job acceptance, new church location, new role within church, new blog begun, etc. God is in the change business. What he is doing may not be visible and may not be ever be, but I know it will produce something amazing. Now the hard important part.
Here’s what I need to do and what I would suggest to all of you that find yourself at similar crossroads.
1. Be Still: I need to be still enough to hear His voice clearly. Shift priorities if things have gotten so hectic that you’ve spent less and less time with the Lord. That should never be the case if you know whats best for you. Even if your like me and find yourself slowly drifting, this is a perfect time to right the ship and get still before the Lord. One way that I do that is by fasting. I began fasting for a few close people in my life. I began fasting and praying for one volunteer, then for a close friend, and now the Lord is calling me into fasting for myself. I need to be sure to be in alignment with God in this season most assuredly. I know I will never receive complete understand while here on earth, but I need to be brought back as close to the edge of clarity as possible.
2. Be Submitted: Now I need to recognize that the Lord is sovereign over all and that my plans for success are simply not going to be the end all and be all for my future. God has a much better business plan for my finances. He has a much better home plan for my family. He has a much greater storyline written for the way that things will go. I need to let go of what I think should be in order to embrace the change that He wants to make in and through me. I must surrender.
3. Be Single-minded: “he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.” James 1:8 NIV. Once I hear what he is calling me to, maybe not with complete clarity, but with enough assurance to move, I must then surrender to that call and then have focused intensity. I must be willing to go after it. I also must realize that I could still be wrong in the direction but God is great enough to work through my error. He knows my heart and my willingness to please. My actions in faith will always please more than my inaction in a desire for 100% assurance. “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” Hebrews 11:6 NIV
Are you at a similar crossroad? Are being stirred? Stay CLOSE to the Lord and seek Him. He not only wants to work it out of you, but he first wants to work IN you.
Allow his mighty hand the freedom to clear away, correct and caress as he prepares you for what’s next.
What decision or rough situation do you find your self struggling with now?